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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Hello everyone

So sorry I have not blogged in forever. Ever just been in a life slump? I was ready for warmer weather but this is just as bad as winter. Still can not get outside. I am not much of a outside person anyhow but it would be nice to go out when i get in the mood. I just dont know whats going on or why I am even writing it all down here. I have felt kind of trapped lately. I am sure other moms out there can relate. I feel I have lost myself and often find the question who am I? I am Pauls wife and the kids mother. But who AM I? I really dont know anymore. I have gotten to the point I dont even want to be around anyone. I know most are thinking depression but i really dont think so. I just feel a need to have a place of myown to go to let loose and no one else in my area. I have a unfinished basement. It honestly is a tornado area where everything is thrown. I want a pretty girly creative space. Where if i want to read a book i can, watch tv i can, listen to music i can or creat what ever i want i can. As much as i love them I want a area for me! I dont want to share this space! My wonderful son Alexander says mom I understand you need this. This 11 year old boy i feel gets me more then anyone! For 2 days now he has been down there cleaning things out, chipping paint and last night went online with me to find room ideas. He tells me mama dont worry I will take care of this and give you what you want. I tell ya he keeps me strong! God has blessed me so much. While going through this slump I have even considered packing everyone up with in the next year and a half and moving from IL to TX. I dont see it happening but wouldn't it be nice sometimes to just walk away from everything? A family member recently had surgery and I went into walgreens to find a book. The man working there asked me if i was looking for anything perticular. Nope just something to keep me busy. He suggested the book "The Walk" by Richard Paul Evens. I know this man who made the suggestion used to be a preacher and once he told me abit about the book it felt ironic and i felt God was talking to me. If you have not read this and are looking for a good read i suggest it ;o) So for now and until I can get back into a creative spirit I hang in here waiting for myspecial space made for me by my special boy. Thanks for reading my ramblings!


Susan said...

You are blessed! An idea for your basement space. If you can't finish the basement with drywall, go to the thrift store or walmart and get some cheap but pretty flat sheets and double stick tape (heavy duty should work) them to the wall (like wallpaper - got this idea from a military wife; it's how she decorated her bedrooms). If you don't have extra furniture, hit the thrift store again ... if you had to buy the fitted sheets with the flat, us the fitted as a chair cover.

Hope you share the finished project with us.

Alicia said...

Oh Sweetie hang in there hon, We all know of needing, not wanting, that special space where we can be ourselves, not the mom or the wife, just us! Once we marry and have children, we do change into "Bob's" Mom etc, but I promise you, the time will come when "Bob" will grow up and you will feel lost no longer being known as "Bob's" Mom and it is just as rough as it was when when we were just the mom! I am with you on the weather, as I could not wait for summer to get here, but now I am just begging for fall to come early- it is just TOO hot to even walk outside before 8 PM! I do hope you get your space and can chirp again to your own song! *Hugs*

Four11Lady said...

I think all of us go through times like this, but as far as who you are a child of God and you know that all things work together for good to those who love Him. Take this down time to spend more time talking with Him and thanking Him that you are blessed with such a wonderful boy! Right now we are doing a small craft room for me so that I can have a room to feel relaxed in and let my creative juices flow. Remember, there is a reason for everything, all parts of God's relax, enjoy and be content where He has you right now! God Bless....:)

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Connie!!!! Sounds like you have a very sweet young man who loves his mama dearly!!!! I look forward to seeing you around more and get your creative mojo going while you're enjoying your ME time!!!!

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