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Saturday, August 6, 2011

Hello everyone

So sorry I have not blogged in forever. Ever just been in a life slump? I was ready for warmer weather but this is just as bad as winter. Still can not get outside. I am not much of a outside person anyhow but it would be nice to go out when i get in the mood. I just dont know whats going on or why I am even writing it all down here. I have felt kind of trapped lately. I am sure other moms out there can relate. I feel I have lost myself and often find the question who am I? I am Pauls wife and the kids mother. But who AM I? I really dont know anymore. I have gotten to the point I dont even want to be around anyone. I know most are thinking depression but i really dont think so. I just feel a need to have a place of myown to go to let loose and no one else in my area. I have a unfinished basement. It honestly is a tornado area where everything is thrown. I want a pretty girly creative space. Where if i want to read a book i can, watch tv i can, listen to music i can or creat what ever i want i can. As much as i love them I want a area for me! I dont want to share this space! My wonderful son Alexander says mom I understand you need this. This 11 year old boy i feel gets me more then anyone! For 2 days now he has been down there cleaning things out, chipping paint and last night went online with me to find room ideas. He tells me mama dont worry I will take care of this and give you what you want. I tell ya he keeps me strong! God has blessed me so much. While going through this slump I have even considered packing everyone up with in the next year and a half and moving from IL to TX. I dont see it happening but wouldn't it be nice sometimes to just walk away from everything? A family member recently had surgery and I went into walgreens to find a book. The man working there asked me if i was looking for anything perticular. Nope just something to keep me busy. He suggested the book "The Walk" by Richard Paul Evens. I know this man who made the suggestion used to be a preacher and once he told me abit about the book it felt ironic and i felt God was talking to me. If you have not read this and are looking for a good read i suggest it ;o) So for now and until I can get back into a creative spirit I hang in here waiting for myspecial space made for me by my special boy. Thanks for reading my ramblings!

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